Alcohol is evil.
It is scarier than Chuck Norris’s super powers or ex-lover’s bootie calls. It induces an artificial sense of invisibility, while the reality is the very opposite of course. The tangible results of alcoholic indulgence is experienced the next day, when you are hung over and broke. Realizing dipsomaniac adventures evolved to a giddy relegation of personal crisis means you have another trophy for your wall of shame.
But everyone has been there.
In the beginning, the initial glasses will cause a social butterfly effect. You immediately find any breathing human being within the vicinity of one meter to 5 meters – interesting and friendly. And sometimes, attractive too. You feel a brotherhood/sisterhood with everyone. Thanks to alcohol, you almost get a new vocabulary (I often get a British accent) or a face lift or a new twist in life. (note: most of the circus depends on the type or types of alcohol you consume) The worst part of the whole alcohol business is when the preliminary tipsy tenure is bypassed by a stronger contender, the divine black-out hours. More glasses and bottles being emptied promises a night of multiple errors.
You might chuckle at the wrong person,
you might pee on the wrong street and be heckled by a gang of more drunk bastards,
you might grab the wrong glass or ass,
you might enter the wrong argument from the wrong side and end up undoing any you might right you socially worked for despite all wrongs,
you might kiss the wrong mouth,
you might go to the wrong bed,
you might throw up in your date’s new shoes and car simultaneously,
you might drop the phone you borrowed in the toilet,
you might spill red wine on white-silk-clad cow or pig,
you might lose the purse you were minding,
you might dance with the wrong butt,
you might swing a verbal clout or two,
you might point fingers and speak unholy words.
And. The greatest risk is that you might just be yourself when drunk… and talk.
Events certainly do take a new toll on your ability to translate tragedy to humor, you gain extra insight into your own programming, and you might improve your diplomatic skills after such a fiasco.. However, the discomfort others in your company feel is greater than your self-improvement strategies.
So I’ve decided with my best friend not to attend any more new year’s eve parties in town. Instead we go hiking, drink around a fire. With no sound or opening for social errors.
I sleep better, for sure.